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There are always inconveniences associated with travelling. For those who are interested in the various ethical issues you can worry about your carbon emissions, environmental damage and blah blah blah blah…we paid to offset our carbon, we hitched everywhere etc.. Other inconveniences include Australians, listening to Australians bonking in hostel dormitories, dealing with Australians telling you how pissed they got in every major European capital and Australians complaining how expensive Europe is. Pseudo-philosophers are another source of annoyance; a friend’s holiday was recently ruined by bumping into Alain de Botton at Heathrow Terminal 5 where he was researching his new book about head in the clouds travel philosophy bullshit-cum-nonsense. (more…)
Summer is nearly here! It’s time to take up smoking again and sit on benches drinking cider, watching improbably thin shirtless idiots parade around with their crap friends and occasionally eat salad. In fact, I often find the summer so innocuous that I long for everyone wrap themselves up in scarves and return to the grey genderless days of winter when it’s easier to concentrate on things other than people’s arses and weird tan lines. At least it gives me some time to escape the country and head to northern Europe where people don’t suddenly turn into complete idiots when the temperature gets above 15 degrees.
I often think back to my childhood summers when we hardly ever went abroad. I was dragged from pub to pub by my parents being forced to stay up late listening to loud repetitive music, often spending weeks on the road whilst their friends fed me far too much beer for a ten-year-old. Having spent most of my teenage years hiding the photographs whenever my friends came to visit, I will now admit proudly that I was a Morris dancer, my summers spent at folk festivals with men with beards. (more…)