Profile #7: Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Nicolas Cage

August 1, 2011

…(But were too afraid to ask) – a fan zine that, quite convincingly, reveals the actor in a new light

With scary films you can cover your ears and the not hearing makes the seeing more sufferable. I’d tried the same approach with Nicolas Cage films, but blocking out his monotone didn’t work; that face, flitting between puppy dog eye pleading and smile confused with snarl, was still there, gratingly.

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Nicolas Cage (But were too afraid to ask) is here to alter such adverse reactions. It claims to be ‘a work of propaganda’, and, well, I’ve seen the light.

That wasn’t over acting I was whinging about in blind ignorance, that was abstract art. That geographically questionable accent doesn’t belie a mistaken choice in career or wilfulness on Cage’s part, that was ‘Nouveau Shamanic’.

The zine is a proper cut and paste labour of love: 62 pages photocopied and put together by one fan’s hand, complete with sonnet, illustrations, and a fold-out chart, listing his films according to categories like ‘good performances in otherwise totally unjustifiable projects’ and ‘unnecessary remakes of German Arthouse films’.

Email [email protected] if you’re ready to be indoctrinated.



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